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TED LASSO FOR PREMIER

"Hey, takin on a challenge is a lot like ridin' a horse. If you're comfortable while you're doin it, you're probable doin' it wrong." Ted Lasso


I am sitting in front of my favourite new TV show. It's my new 'thang'. Ted Lasso is my new hero. He navigates his way through life with a unique perspective and a candy coloured lense. He uses his innocence, naivety, smarts and empathy to create positive change. His folksy, clumsy 'one liners' will become the stuff of TV folk lore.


Friday night, is Lasso night. I'm right in the middle of Episode 6. My wife tells me it's a belter. Ted struggles through divorce, but punctuates his appointment with an unlikely victory against a long term adversary.


I'm well into the Mornington Peninsula Pinot and finally relaxing after a whirlwind day. I have been busy tracking flights from Canberra, talking to politicians, formulating legal strategies and running media campaigns. The HospoVet has channelled his 'old man' and is conducting the Hospitality orchestra. We are finally in tune and are ready to create a symphony, bitter sweet or not.


Just when things are getting interesting, my phone rings. A private number. It could be anyone. I've been on the blower all day. I hate playing 'Phone Roulette'. Fuck it, I pull the trigger.


CD: Who the fuck do you think you are?


HV: I beg your pardon? Who is this?


CD: I'm your worst nightmare. I will kill you like a bug. I will squash you. I will swat you off the face of this Earth.


HV: Mr Mortein?


CD: Very funny mother fucker. I'm Mr Napalm. I'm going to eradicate you and your kind from the face of this earth!


HV: Oh, Mr Premier. Is this part of your plan?


CD: Yes, it is part of my plan. A plan to eliminate. To eradicate. To wipe the enemy off the face of this planet. It is my road map. It is my fight. It is my struggle. It is my destiny.


HV: I reckon I've heard this plan somewhere before.


CD: I doubt it.


HV: I'm pretty sure there was a bloke with the same plan. I'm not sure it worked out for him.


CD: Let me be clear, it will work for me.


HV: How can you be so sure?


CD: I have it on good advice, strong advice. The data tells me so. The super computer says yes. Buddha says yes. John Setka says yes. In fact, everyone says yes. Including me.


HV: Can you tell me more?


CD: It's on a need to know basis. And you, my intellectually challenged comrade, don't need to know.


HV: Surely you can provide some transparency? This is madness!


CD: Madness, is merely a state of mind. I have a state in mind. That state is my state. Mine and mine alone.


HV: Premier, Are you OK?


CD: Sorry, who are you?


Beep. Beep. Beep.









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